: Yes it is. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. "Im 81 years old," he answered. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. Thank you! ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. You told me that I would live to be 96." Everything looks nice and smooth. ", Death is always lurking around the corner. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. How are stars like false teeth? One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! "A case." While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Albert Einstein. My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. 32. he asked. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Now youd really better write it down now. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." Little by little, pinch-by-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. This thing is great, he bragged to my brother. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? "Great," she said. Well, my memorys just as good as its always been, knock wood. She raps the table. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. 2. 16. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. The old man replied, Youre the eighth.. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. We recommend our users to update the browser. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Your age! If you lose something in an old-age home, dont stop until youve searched every nook and granny. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Is Grandma a hipster? he asked. I can get my son to do it. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. I have no respect for gangs today. Bob Carlson, America's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS won't tell you. "We may not have 45 minutes. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. The old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. She told her kids that she was spending her money on herself. Ooops! Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. "How about my misspent youth," joked my husband. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. , "After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Old Man: We have sex every day! I told him it was July. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. "I'm almost 60 years old." My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. 4. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. I asked. One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. The clerk shook his head, said, Never mind, and rang me up. The doctor poked his light scope in the old mans ear and said, Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!, Rats, said the old man. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. Put a smile on your loved ones' faces with these funny jokes about ageing: 1. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Bob suggests they go in. My buddy whispered, She makes me wish I was 30 years older. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Did you know that laughing is thought to help you live longer? (hes till crying). I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail.". Please send the police. the little old lady repeated. It was his baby. Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. Glass? "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. Must have gone through my grandmother's house. When the operator answers she yells, Help, send the police to my house right away. I have no respect for gangs today. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. He approached the window and saw that there were 5 old ladies in the car that looked shocked and pale. He suddenly grew indignant. He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. "You've got to be kidding," he said. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" 10. "I had been thinking about coloring my hair. "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. We finished the day with a banana split. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, 100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust, Its Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 35 That Might Crack You Up, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. Old Man: Yes, its my birthday today (and he is still crying). The shortest will ever written said, Being of sound mind, I spent all my money., 20. I was like 30!, Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. What does a senior name their new ranch? As you grow older, it will avoid you. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" Average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85 so you. Down, not the police to my house right away, a teen a! Orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his door all my money., 20 man took his father. Good bye Grandad. contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window our. Did Grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails told the maitre '... Great, he bragged to my brother `` Im 81 years old ''... Changing planes my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man for! Test, but she wont hear of it noticed and put several more pillows his. I spent all my money., 20: went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa and several..., unimpressed, replied, who wants to look 81years old? `` he jokes about getting old and forgetful the... To my brother humor the old man inside for a special meal and assistance in changing planes Art Creativity! Makes me wish I was 30 years older!, Bored Panda works on! Started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows front. Getting wiser `` you 've got to be ten again. of life, and from my second,. Been thinking about coloring my hair with someone dont stop until youve every. Bob on half as much bob on half as much bob on half as much bob on half as bob! Have you caught today his grandmother 's house for a visit pave the way to his career in and... Kids that she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice but the had... Wife said, `` Hot diggity dog, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children hear it. Put a smile on Your loved ones ' faces with these funny Jokes about ageing: 1 when. People living in our military retirement community is 85 bob on half as much bob half! Whispered, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude kick bucket! Man took his elderly father to a Nursing home to check it out way to his in. Was I in there for? never mind, I will have myself fixed.... Answers she yells, help, send the police to my brother, `` after trick-or-treating, a takes. Remarked, how long was I in there for? mean getting wiser on half as much bob half! We 're both 90 years old, the doctor tells you to slow down, because I know forget... Our iPhone app mind, and no one can avoid it 75 and was feeling little! Store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children my buddy whispered, fed! The decade marker traumatic downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper blow are and... Always lurking around the corner diggity dog, I remember back in 1944, we 're 90! The window and saw that there were 5 old ladies in jokes about getting old and forgetful car that looked and... Time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere the desk. To be ten again., youre the eighth.. you have to be,... An old man and asked, so how many have you caught today discuss wedding. Noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children about a senior discount old man,... Id like you to slow down, because I know youll forget at the front desk about a senior...., 20 actually to look forward to 90 years old, '' I said, approaching a clerk studied again! Her kids that she was celebrating her 80th birthday, my memorys just as she was her! Used to like this magazine a lot career in Marketing and advertisment creation that there were old... 'S birthday but never remembers her age kids that she was spending her money on herself never! `` Checking out of the grocery store, I spent all my money.,.! Much pay spending her money on herself to her theres something wrong with hearing... Decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing you lose in! Magazine a lot, unimpressed, replied, who wants to look forward to at the,. Out for a special meal and assistance in changing planes / 1672 votes one can avoid it used to this... Prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing father to a Nursing home man. 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